Relationship Tip #11 – Expect Imperfection

One common desire I hear from many of my girlfriends is that they want to have a relationship with a man who will love her just as she is.  I’m extremely cranky when I’m tired; I’m nearly compulsive about keeping the sink free of dirty dishes and putting them in the dishwasher; when I’m really irritated I will rant intensely for a short period of time (what I call “verbal vomit”) as a process of getting over it; I hate getting my hands dirty;  normally it takes me 30 minutes or longer to wake up in the morning; and when I’m leaving the house, I will have to go back in once, twice or more to retrieve things I’ve forgotten.  These are some of my obvious, annoying quirks; there are others far more annoying, unattractive.  I can only imagine how it would be to have that one special man who can see all of these things about me and still choose to love me.  To my single, female readers, do you ever wonder what it would be like to have the kind of partnership with a man who knows and sees everything about you (good, bad and ugly), but loves you anyway?  I speculate it would be quite like it is with your best friend with whom you’re able to relax and be yourself, only he’s your boyfriend.

Every single one of us, even men, has our own set of quirks or imperfections.  Some we can change, some we can’t and most we would prefer to leave as-is, just because.  With that said, when you meet a guy that you feel is worth seriously dating, expect imperfection.  Expect that as you spend time getting to know each other he’s going to do or say something that hurts your feelings or annoys you.  Things will happen that will impact his mood.  On occasion, he’s going be selfish, forgetful, late or impatient.  When it comes up, here’s what you do:

  1. Hang in there. Especially if you’ve been single for a long time, your knee-jerk reaction may be to bail.  Sure, it’s much easier to cut bait, but anything worthwhile takes effort.
  2. Remember that you love him. Recall everything about him that attracted you to him and refer back to that frequently.  Tell him and others these things rather than harp on what annoys you.
  3. Talk about it. It’s really easy to “step over” something that bugs you and keep it inside for whatever reason you have.  If your feelings are important to you and to this man in your life, I’ll assume that they are, isn’t it worth it to give him the opportunity to address the issue?
  4. Listen to what he has to say. That would mean you have to stop talking.  He has his reasons for doing what he does and he may not even realize he’s doing something that annoys you.  Hear the intentions of his heart.  If he apologizes you won’t even hear it if you’re talking.
  5. Forgive him. These little quirky things he does aren’t intended to hurt your feelings.  There will come a time when you’ll do something that annoys him and you’ll want him to turn the other cheek.  Forgiveness requires that you wipe the slate clean, meaning you never mention the incident again.
  6. Laugh about it. Once the dust settles and you’ve found a way to work with each other, make light of your quirks.  It’s only heavy and significant if you make it that way.

In this lifetime, you want someone who will love you for all that you are and all that you’re not – just as you are.  Consider, that is what the men in our lives want from us too.  Whether we give such unconditional love to him or not is a choice we make on a moment by moment basis, every single day.  Giving it requires that we expect his imperfections and choose to love him anyway.


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