I really struggled with writing this tip; it’s steeped in timeless controversy. Hold on to your seat because what you’re about to read goes completely against our culture, but it works. My intention for putting it out on the worldwide web is to make a difference for you.
When you’re dating these days, keep your pants on. Stated simply, don’t have sex. I can just hear your argument as I write this. In all of my discussions with all sorts of people from all different walks of life, most people argue with me.
Just like everyone else, I have an opinion and you can either agree with me or not. However, based on my experience refraining from sex simply works for a number of reasons. Here they are:
- Chances are, you don’t know him very well. Why do most jobs require a 90 day or longer probationary period for new hires? Companies these days are wise to the fact that it takes some time to find out if a new hire is the right fit for a position within the company before they’ll extend full benefits. Knowing that corporations proceed with caution when they form relationships, why would a woman give her body to a man after knowing him for even less time than that? Realistically, it takes far longer than 90 days to get to know someone well. Many people I know, hop in the sack with a guy after only a few dates. Do you really want to give your body to a man before you know him? Is he going to look out for your best interest? Is he trustworthy? Does he trust you? Does he love you for the woman that you are? Does he have good friends? I could go on and on. . .
- You’ll have no regrets. Ask any girl who has had sex with a guy and I promise you’ll never hear her say, “I wish I had sex with him sooner.” Most girls wish they had waited longer and gotten to know a guy better before having sex.
- Whether you want it or not, sex creates an emotional bond between you and your partner. How many times have you stayed in a relationship with someone who wasn’t right for you because you had trouble walking away from him? How many times have you sat by and watched a friend stay in a miserable relationship with a guy who was wrong for her? Whether you like it or not, you’re going to bond with a man with whom you have sex. Take an, honest, realistic look at the man with whom you’re involved. Ask yourself, “Do I want to bond physically with this man such that I will remember his body for the rest of my life?”
- Sex creates baggage you carry into your next relationship. Yikes! It’s the “B” word. When you bond with someone physically and that person leaves your life via a breakup, baggage results. Often what you’re left with are feelings of inadequacy: “I wasn’t _______ <you fill in the blank> enough for him to stay.” What happens is that you spend energy in the next relationship trying to be “enough” of whatever you believe was missing in the last one. The man you’re then dating is left scratching his head wondering why you’re trying so hard to be something you’re not.
- Refraining from sex keeps your head clear. While I won’t get into a chemistry or biology lesson, most of us know from experience what a powerful motivator sex can be. You’re a grown up. One of the most important decisions you’ll make in your life is who you choose as your partner in marriage. Supposing that you date for the purpose of finding that partner, you’ll want to make your choice wisely. I think we can all agree that would be incredibly stupid to make that choice under the influence of alcohol or drugs. It is equally as stupid to make that choice under the influence of sex.
- You want to stay STD free. STD’s are a whole different kind of baggage. Contract something serious and you’ll quickly learn that pre-existing conditions are not covered by health insurance. To put a nasty, ugly spin on it, you don’t want to make yourself a carrier that perpetuates disease in our society. Besides, your health and well-being are far more important than a romp in the hay.
- The last thing you want is to be a single parent. Condoms break and birth control can fail. Even though the birth control pill can be 99.97% effective if you use it “perfectly,” it can fail as much as 8% amongst those who use it imperfectly, according to Wikipedia. Eight percent! There’s a reason why there’s a disclaimer with every package of any type of birth control; the statistics are real. Having been raised by a single parent I can tell you it’s far from ideal for both you and a child.
- It won’t make him stay. If there’s a man in your life who loves you, he’s going to stay with you through the good times and bad, sickness and heath, job or no job, because he loves the person you are. A man who is willing to walk away from you because you won’t have sex with him is not with you because he loves the person you are. Should you date a guy who needs to “take you for a test-drive” before he’s willing to commit, let him go.
- You’re worth more than your body. Let’s face it. The easiest thing is for someone to be attracted to you because you’re beautiful or well-dressed or successful or athletic or anything else that shows on the surface. Ask anyone, even men, and they’ll tell you that one’s physical appearance only goes so far. I’ve known more than one girl that lots of guys found “Hot!” or “sexy.” Yet, when the guys found out they were opportunistic, dishonest and materialistic they wouldn’t have anything to do with those girls. A man who loves you will grow more attracted to you the more he gets to know you. The woman that you are will be increasingly more beautiful to him.
- Once you go there, you can never take it back. I’ve witnessed the regrets of some of my friends who’ve had sex with someone they wish they hadn’t. So great was their regret that they would literally hide whenever they’d see that person coming. While that’s a bit extreme, realize that when you’re in a relationship you can always choose as a couple to pick up the pace in your relationship. Remember that once things get sexual, it’s nearly impossible to slow things down.
- It makes a difference for the man you date. Unless he’s weird, there’s not a man on the planet that likes to imagine the woman he loves or is dating having sex with another guy. Even as a woman, I hate the idea of the man I love being with another woman. Imagine the security you bring to the table in your relationship if you’re the type of woman who demonstrates that you don’t have sex with every guy you date. There’s a lot of comfort in that.